Divorce glossary: the words that trip people up

Divorce comes with its own vocabulary, and most of it is older than your grandparents. Court forms use words you would never hear at a dinner table, and the same word can mean slightly different things in different states. None of that makes you stupid. It just means the system was built for lawyers, not for you.

Here are the ten words that most often trip up people going through this without one — and what they actually mean.

1. No-fault

A no-fault divorce is one where you don’t have to prove that your spouse did anything wrong. You’re telling the court that the marriage is broken, and that’s enough. Every state allows no-fault divorce in some form, though the exact language varies — "irreconcilable differences," "irretrievable breakdown," "incompatibility."

A few states still allow you to file on "fault" grounds — adultery, cruelty, abandonment — but doing so is usually slower, more expensive, and rarely changes the outcome. Most people who could file either way file no-fault.

2. Contested vs. uncontested

An uncontested divorce is one where both spouses agree on everything — how property is split, how custody works, whether anyone pays support. A contested divorce is one where at least one piece is still in dispute.

People often assume "contested" means a war. It doesn’t. It can mean you agree on 19 things and disagree on one. Most divorces start contested and become uncontested as the parties work things out.

3. Legal custody vs. physical custody

These are two separate things, and conflating them is the single most common mistake people make.

A typical arrangement is joint legal custody plus a primary physical-custody parent who has the kids most weekdays, with the other parent on weekends and holidays. But there are dozens of patterns and none of them is "the default."

4. Equitable distribution vs. community property

This is your state’s framework for how marital property gets divided.

Equitable distribution (most states) means the court divides property fairly, which doesn’t always mean equally. A judge weighs each spouse’s income, contributions, length of marriage, and so on.

Community property (nine states, including California, Texas, and Arizona) starts from a 50/50 split of anything earned during the marriage, and works backward from there.

Whichever framework your state uses, property acquired before the marriage is generally yours alone — but if it got mixed in with marital money (a pre-marriage savings account you both contributed to, for example), that line can blur.

5. Ex parte

Latin for "from one party." An ex parte order is a court order entered after hearing from only one side, usually in an emergency — a temporary restraining order, for example, or an immediate custody order when a child is at risk.

Ex parte orders are temporary. The other side gets a chance to respond at a follow-up hearing, usually within a few days to a few weeks.

6. Motion vs. petition

A petition is what starts a case. The first paper you file (or the first paper you receive) in a divorce is almost always called a Petition for Dissolution of Marriage or a Complaint for Divorce.

A motion is a request you make to the court during a case that’s already open. "Motion for temporary spousal support." "Motion to compel discovery." Each motion gets its own short ruling.

If you’re reading paperwork and you can’t tell what stage you’re at, look at the title of the document. "Petition" or "Complaint" means the case is starting. Anything with "Motion" means the case is in progress.

7. Decree vs. judgment

These are the words for the document that ends your divorce. Decree is the older term, still used in many states. Judgment of Dissolution or Final Judgment is the modern equivalent. Functionally the same thing: the court order that says you are divorced, and that lays out the terms.

8. Discovery

The formal process of exchanging information between spouses. It includes written questions (interrogatories), document requests (requests for production), and sometimes depositions. If your spouse is hiding money or assets, discovery is the tool you use to surface it.

Discovery has deadlines. If you receive a discovery request, do not ignore it; failure to respond can lead to sanctions or to the court accepting the other side’s version of the disputed facts.

9. Alimony vs. spousal support vs. maintenance

Three words, one concept. Alimony is the older term. Spousal support is what most states call it now. Maintenance is used in a few jurisdictions (notably Illinois and New York). All three refer to ongoing payments from one ex-spouse to the other after divorce.

Whether you’ll receive or owe spousal support depends on the income gap, the length of the marriage, and state-specific formulas or factors. It is not automatic.

10. Modification

After your divorce is final, the parts of the decree dealing with custody, parenting time, and child support can usually be modified if there’s a substantial change in circumstances — a job loss, a move, a remarriage. Property division, on the other hand, is generally final.

Modification is its own process: you file a motion, the court holds a hearing, and the judge decides whether to change the order.

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You don’t need to memorize any of this. You just need to recognize the words when they show up in your papers — and to know which questions to ask next.