You’ve been served — now what?

You’ve found the deadline on your summons. You’ve put it on the calendar. You’ve read the petition through twice. Now comes the part that matters most: filing your response. This is the document that locks in your position in the case. It’s also the document that, if you don’t file, lets the court grant your spouse essentially everything they asked for.

If you haven’t yet absorbed the first-week shape of being served, start with just got served — what now? and come back when you’re ready to draft.

What a response document does

Your response — sometimes called an answer — is a formal court filing that tells the judge, paragraph by paragraph, what you agree with in the petition, what you dispute, and what you want the court to order instead. Once you file it, you stop being a passive recipient of the case. You’re a party to it, with the right to be heard on every disputed item.

A response generally does four things:

• Admits, denies, or "lacks knowledge of" each numbered allegation in the petition.
• States your affirmative defenses if you have any (things that, if true, would defeat your spouse’s claims).
• Identifies what you want the court to order instead of what your spouse asked for.
• Is signed and dated, often under penalty of perjury.

Most states give you a fillable form for this. A few require you to draft from scratch. Either way, the structure is similar.

The deadline isn’t negotiable on its own

The response deadline is the most consequential date in the early case. In most states it falls somewhere between 20 and 30 days after service, though some are longer. Your summons will say specifically. Your state’s framework may differ from a neighboring one, so trust the document you were handed over anything else.

If the deadline passes without a response, your spouse can ask the court for a default judgment — and courts often grant them.

A default judgment isn’t unfixable. Most states allow you to ask the court to set it aside if you have a good reason and you act quickly. But the set-aside process is itself contested, costs money, and isn’t guaranteed. Filing the response on time is the cheap way to avoid an expensive recovery later.

The structure of a response, paragraph by paragraph

The body of a response usually mirrors the body of the petition. If the petition has thirty-two numbered paragraphs, your response will have thirty-two numbered paragraphs — each one responding to the corresponding paragraph in the petition.

For each numbered paragraph in the petition, you have three options:

• Admit. You agree the statement is true. Use this for facts that aren’t in dispute — the date of marriage, the names of the kids, basic biographical information.
• Deny. You disagree with the statement. Use this for anything you genuinely dispute. You don’t need to explain why in the response itself; that comes later.
• Lack sufficient knowledge to admit or deny. Use this when the petition makes a factual claim you can’t verify. Courts treat it as a denial.

After the paragraph-by-paragraph admissions and denials, you typically include a short section listing what you’re asking the court to order. This can be as simple as "Respondent requests joint legal custody and an equitable division of property" or much more detailed.

Whether to counter-petition

A counter-petition (sometimes called a counterclaim) is an additional filing where you ask the court for things of your own, separate from just responding to what your spouse asked for.

You don’t have to counter-petition. If you mostly agree with the petition or you want a stripped-down response, an answer alone is enough.

But counter-petitioning is the standard move when:

• You want different custody or parenting time than your spouse proposed
• You want a different support number
• You want a different property or debt division
• You have your own grounds for divorce (in fault states)

In most states you can file the answer and the counter-petition as a single combined document. Check your local rules before you draft.

Asking for more time

If the deadline is approaching and you haven’t pulled the response together — or you haven’t been able to find an attorney, or there’s a family emergency — most courts allow you to request an extension. Two common paths:

• Stipulation. If your spouse (or their attorney) agrees, you can file a one-page agreement giving you another 14 or 30 days. Courts almost always accept these.
• Motion for extension. If your spouse won’t agree, you file a short motion explaining why you need more time. Courts usually grant a first request if it’s reasonable and timely.

What you don’t do is ignore the deadline and hope. Once it passes, you’re in default-judgment territory, and the burden flips to you to undo it.

Mostly agreeing or mostly disagreeing

Two common shapes for a response, depending on where you actually are:

Mostly agreeing. You and your spouse have talked. You agree the marriage is over and you’ve roughly agreed on the major terms. Your response admits most paragraphs of the petition, doesn’t counter-petition, and signals to the court that this case is heading toward an uncontested resolution. Many divorces look like this once the initial shock wears off.

Mostly disagreeing. You disagree on custody, the property division, the support number, or the petition’s characterization of the marriage. Your response denies the disputed paragraphs, you file a counter-petition asking for what you want, and the case is clearly contested. Mediation often comes next.

You don’t have to pick a position you’ll never adjust. The response is a starting point, not a final word.

What to do this week

Sketch out your responses paragraph by paragraph before you start filling out forms. Keep the deadline visible somewhere you can’t avoid it. If you’re genuinely unsure about a specific paragraph, lean toward denial — denials can become admissions later, but it’s harder to walk an admission back.